Learning how to look at things from your partner’s point of view can either, greatly improve or destroy what you’ve both built for years! Trying to see things through your better half’s eyes can reduce conflict a huge deal, increase understanding, compassion and improve the chemistry in-between. However, this doesn’t happen over a fortnight but takes lots of practice and a great deal of patience.
Whenever you find yourself struggling with a certain reaction towards your spouse’s behavior, take sometime to figure out the root cause of that emotional uproar. Do you feel undervalued? Disrespected? Struggling to be understood? Are the words beings used offensive or are your feelings constantly hurt? It’s essential to take time and examine your feelings.
More so, even more crucial to take time to notice the thoughts you are having about your partner’s bearing. In most cases going with instinct after a previous dismay can easily distract you from what’s really happening. Just because you think something’s going on, it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily true. Sometimes excessive blame can be poured on your partner and that’s a disastrous recipe!
For example, you might think, “He comes home late just to press your buttons.” This is likely a reason from a previous argument you had and think is aiming to prove a point or there’s actually a valid reason following the late nights. If you are angry, this can definitely add up pressure or blame to your better half when they don’t even deserve an ounce of it. Master the pattern and try to see if you can spot other reasons as to why they react in a certain way.
It’s undoubtedly true that some,“If not most”, thoughts are exaggerated most especially when anger is involved. For instance, your spouse was supposed to call you everyday before and after work since they work overseas, but they start of as promised then start to fail fulfilling their promise! It’s possible to think that they have acquired “other interests” but this isn’t true. Perhaps they might be facing challenges and instead of making assumptions towards their actions, this is where trust and understanding steps in.
Do you ever wonder what your better half might be going through or what they might be feeling every time you express doubt? Be keen to recognize their patterns so as to understand why they react a certain way, rather than creating stories that mostly end up in bad spousal fights.
Say, your “honey” has hurt your feelings by way of communication. Don’t sleep on it, let them know and while you’re at it, it’s best to do it with an open mind to avoid further conflicts. I mean you’ve already declared that your spouse curses, is rude and doesn’t listen to your poor fragile self! With this right here, you will not be able to hear or even have a meaningful conversation. Prepare to speak to your spouse, jumping right in might blow things up.
Listening to one another, even in silence is one of the most important ways of learning your better half’s point on view. Fit in their shoes before engaging in arguments just to see what they are going through. Repeat the words they tell you just to make sure you understand what message is being passed across, if necessary, ask for clarification.
Here’s an instance. Lee and Rebecca have been married for three years and every Sunday afternoon, Lee went to his parents’ home. He spent the afternoon helping to mow their lawn, maintain and manage their home since they were aged and fragile. Initially, Rebecca didn’t mind and supported they idea. However, over the course of the years, she started to become resentful.
Rebecca began having thoughts such as, “Why can’t he just pay for someone to help them?” She thought he wasn’t doing enough around their own home and tended to think that he cared more about his parents than his own wife and children.
When Rebecca decided to fit in Lee’s shoes, she began to understand that he was only trying to be a loving son! She also recognized that when she nagged him or gave him a hard time for doing this, she was making things difficult rather than being a supportive spouse. She talked to Lee about her feelings and her choice to try and see things from his point of view. Although, she still at times felt frustrated that he wasn’t at home on Sunday afternoons, she was able to replace her negative thoughts with thoughts such as, “My partner is a very loving man who cares a great deal about his parents.” This was very helpful in allowing her to let go of resentment and it helped improve their marriage.
It’s obvious that marriage is an effort of two people. A man must take care of his woman and a woman must take care of her man. No one is before the other. It’s about teamwork. Couples don’t stop playing with each other because they grow old. They grow old because they stopped playing!
Enjoy my read!